Parting Shots

In a few days I'll be leaving for my next adventure in Asia, but before I go I thought I should give one last parting look back at my time in Japan. I actually sat down and wrote a long blog entry about all the things I would miss and all the things I learned...but after re-reading it, I just decided to delete it all. So instead of trying to write a bunch of sentimental, introspective (and most likely confusing) garbage, I'm posting some pictures...less is more, desu ne?

This is Kenrokuen in Kanazawa (supposedly one of the 3 most beautiful gardens in all of Japan). During the winter, the trees are tied to prevent the branches from breaking under the weight of the snow.

Young protesters at a Peace march in our city.

Fire and Violence festival in Ishikawa...super intoxicated men bashing a portable shrine, lighting it on fire, and throwing it in the river? Best damn festival in all of Japan if you ask me...


Nagashi soumen at a restaurant in Kanazawa - water runs through the bamboo while you try to catch and eat noodles that rush down the slide...of the plethora of "Japanese interactive eating" events, this one ranks in my top 3

Dinner with friends...all-you-can-eat (tabehodai), all-you-can-drink (nomihodai)

Crazy boys from Nonoichi Jr. High

Crazy girls from Nonoichi Jr. High

At my final going away party thrown by my teachers...they we so excited to show off the big banner they made me...then of course, after drinking for 2 hours at dinner, they insisted on bringing the banner out in the middle of the street yelling "bonzai!" over and over

The walk home today...

Today I walked home from school. A little girl went past me on a scooter. The sight of me startled her so much she fell off her scooter in the middle of the road.

Also during the walk home, a gang of elementary school students ran for a 1/2 mile to catch up with me. No wonder they ran...they had a very important message for me: "Hello. How are you? I'm fine, thanks. Do you like sports?"


Here are some shots of Japanese elementary school students, just so you can get a visual...

They all wear the same yellow hats while walking to school:

They all carry the same backpacks (red for girls, black for boys)

Cameron!

I may have mentioned this before, but in Japan the school year ends in March and begins after spring break in April. Since I have two schools that I teach at, alternating between the two every other month, this month was the first time I had taught the new 1st grade (equal to 6th grade back home) students.

I always love teaching the first class with the new students. They are so enthusiatstic and excited about English class that it is difficult at times for them to contain the excitement. Such was the case last week...

Schools in Japan are organized a bit different than they are at home. Students have a homeroom class, and instead of moving from room to room for each subject, they stay in the room and the teachers rotate every period. The grades are also seperated according to grade level, so the entire first grade classrooms are on the 3rd floor, 2nd grade on the second floor, and 3rd grade on the first floor. Anyway, the point is that many of the 1st grade students don't have much opportunity to interact with me outside of class since they are on the top floor.

So...last week, as I said, was the first time teaching this new group of 1st graders. As I also mentioned, the students at this age are usually bursting from the excitement of having class with a foreigner. So excited, in fact, that last week's classes got a little out of control. When I went up to their floor for class, I was immediately mobbed and subsequently surrounded by about 20 students. Some of them wanted to try out any and all previously learned English, others just wanted to get a closer look (maybe some smelling going on, too), and there were a sea of little hands grabbing and clawing their way through the mass just trying to touch me. The excitement of the students was so intense that I was literally backed into a corner and another teacher had to come rescue me and pull me out of the crowd!

Cultural Note: In Japan, there are many big Hollywood celebs that do commercials here. Meg Ryan hawks instant coffee, Tommy Lee Jones sells canned drinks, and Brad Pitt and Cameron Diaz do commercials for cell phones. Anyway, for some reason, people here have decided that I look like Cameron Diaz (??) Either that or Meg Ryan...my guess is that both these women are blonde and blue eyed...but that's pretty much where the similarity ends, in my opinion.

Anyway, the 1st grade students have now all agreed that I look like Cameron Diaz. During the middle of my classes, the students would becomed so moved by this realization that they felt the need to shout "Cameron! Cameron!" to me in the middle of class. And if one student was thusly moved to testify, well...then a chorus of "Cameron!" would erupt and it would take several minutes for the class to get calmed down and quiet again (this happened on multiple occasions in several different classes)

So I'll let you be the judge...

Here's Cameron...

and here's me.

Bittersweet Good-byes

So lately I've been reflecting on my time here in Japan. As my tour-of-English-duty draws to a close, I have started an informal list of things I will miss about Japan. Thus far, the list mainly consists of arbitrary, superficial things. For example, Japanese bento (pre-made lunch boxes), convenience stores/vending machines on every corner, frogs croaking in the rice paddys at night, different Hello Kitty charms for every major city....and the list goes on...

However one thing that I will gladly say goodbye to (and, in fact, will rejoice at never having to lay eyes on again) is the haunting sight of the tanuki lingering in dark doorways of restuarants and bars here in Japan. These tanuki, at once both pervasive and elusive...one never knows when one will be confronted by the rat-like snout, those souless eyes, those giant....testicles....

Anyway, before I continue, here's a bit more explanation about the tanuki:


TANUKI:
Magical Racoon-like Dog with Shape-Shifting Powers; Modern-Day God of Gluttony, Boozing, and Restaurateurs

Tanuki appear often in Japanese folklore as shape-shifters with supernatural powers and mischievous tendencies. Tanuki statues are found everywhere around Japan, especially outside restaurants and bars, where the Tanuki beckons drinkers and diners to enter. The beckoning Tanuki is most often depicted with a big round tummy, gigantic testicles, a flask of sake, a promissory note, and a straw hat.

There are countless tales about the mischievous Tanuki. The Tanuki can transform into any living or inanimate shape, but in legend it often assumes the form of a monk or a tea kettle to play tricks on people. Tanuki is most often shown playing tricks on hunters and woodsmen. They can cast powerful illusions -- they can turn leaves into fake money or horse excrement into a delicious-looking dinner. The Tanuki is said to love Japanese sake (rice wine), and is often depicted with a sake bottle in one hand (usually purchased with fake money made from leaves) and a promissory note in the other (a bill it never pays).

A curious and defining characteristic of Tanuki is its gigantic testes. According to some legends, the testicles / scrotum can be stretched to the size of eight tatami mats. Others point to the word Senjojiki (the space of 1,000 tatami mats) as an indication of the Tanuki's testes size. Called Kin-tama (Golden Balls) in Japanese, the testes are supposedly symbols of good luck rather than overt sexual symbols (the Japanese are more tolerant of low humor than most Western nations). In the movie Heisei Tanuki Gassen Ponpoko, the Tanuki stretches out its scrotum as a parachute in a desperate suicide attack. In other Tanuki folklore, the Tanuki uses the testes as an impromptu drum, beating out the "ponpoko" sound.

The tanuki in all his glory:

A line of tanuki in front of a restaurant

My brother-in-law, Dave, worshipping at the shrine of Tanuki.

It's really quite hideous (however I should apologize to all acutal tanuki out there. Having never seen a real one in nature, my only experience with the tanuki is the statues...in reality they could be quite cute....but I'm guessing probably not...) Another curiosity regarding the tanuki is the amazement and enthusiastic interest in them from most men who visit Japan.

Well...maybe it isn't such a curiosity...a gluttonous, drunken raccoon dog with giant testicles? What's not to love?

St. Patrick's Day in Japan

So how do the Japanese celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Karaoke, of course...and watching all the foreigners get intoxicated. I actually think karaoke should become a part of all holidays, both at home and abroad...mutal understanding through song...I like the sound of that...
Have you ever wondered what Snoop Dog's lyrics look like in Japanese? Well wonder no more...

Birthday dinner...

Sayonara

Last month I had to say good-bye to my graduating students at one of my schools. It was actually quite sad...I think I enjoyed teaching this group of students the best out of both my schools and all my other classes. Anyway, as a little keepsake, I had the students write about their dreams for the future, then typed them all and put the compositions together in a little booklet for each student. We also took class pictures for the booklet (see below). Anyway, as a little surprise, all the students wrote me a little "good-bye" letter and at the end of our last class each student presented his/her letter and said a short speech in English. So in honor of my cute soon-to-be high school students, here are their pics and a few of my favorite letters:

This student, Kento, sings in a gospel choir (don't ask me how or why). He said his English has really improved because of it...he certainly has some interesting word choices. His favorite gospel song? "We are the World".

I'm pretty sure telling someone that he/she has a "small face" is a compliment here...

See if you can guess what song this was "borrowed" from...

This student's #1 dream for the future: "My dream is to visit Katie's house."

This is from Miki-san, who came to my desk everyday after lunch to chat and help me with my Japanese homework.

Typical school day…

On several separate occasions, students stare at my face in wonder and make the comment “hana takai! hana takai!” (big nose) to me in the hall and/or class

Students ask me in class if my hair color/eye color is natural (“Katie-san, colored-o contacto?”)

Student repeatedly asks me in class if I know someone named “Maka-san” and also how to say concabu paipu, senso, and hikoki in English (corncob pipe, war, and airplane respectively). I told the student I had no idea who “Maka-san” was…the student then proceed to try and explain who this person was by drawing a series of pictures and showing me portions of his history book. Still confused, I asked one of the Japanese teachers…turns out the student was talking about General Douglas MacArthur. Apparently MacArthur was in charge of the allied occupation of Japan after WWII…did we learn this in history class at Monroe City R-1?

Student asks me if Americans are really as big as they look on TV

Student asks me who my favorite character is (by “character”, student was referring to animated character). Most normal adults back home don’t really have a favorite animated character…however in the past, this response has proved to be unacceptable by my students. My now standard response is “SpongeBob Squarepants”.

Was blown literally off my feet and into a rice paddy while waiting for the bus in front of the school…luckily the rice paddy was empty, so only thing damaged was my pride (it’s very windy in this part of the country…)

General MacArthur with "concabu paipu"

Where the hell have I been??

For the last month or so, I have been dedicating myself to snowboarding every weekend. My location in Japan makes this a prime spot for winter sports due to the fact that it's very close to the best ski resorts in Japan. I live near the "Japanese Alps" (while some may scoff at the idea of "Japanese Alps", I think it's a pretty appropriate description). There are a few ski resorts here in Ishikawa and there are also some great places in Niigata and Nagano, which are about 2 hours north. We just hop on a bus (usually at some ungodly hour...last weekend we had to be on the bus at 6 a.m.!) and go snowboarding for the day, then unwind after a hard day of boarding at a hot spring.

Since my snowboarding career started only very recently, I am still quite the novice. Usually I just try to stay standing and plow down the mountain any way I can. The more times I go, though, the more I notice that my technique isn't quite as pretty as everyone else's on the mountain. So last weekend, with the help from my friend Alice, I started to work on my skills. I spent most of the day on my ass and I am almost certain that I broke my tailbone (or at least severely bruised it). I also was unable to turn my head or bend my neck for several days afterward...I was doing my own abbreviated version of "the robot" all week in class...

I am sure people are highly entertained watching me and my friends snowboard. As with most activities in Japan, whenever a large group of us go out together it enevitably brings looks of confusion, astonishment, and intense curiosity. Last weekend, as I was falling face first into a huge bank of snow, a kid flew past on his snowboard and screamed "I love sex!" as he passed me. His friend flew by and yelled "me too!" And people say all the money Japan invests into English language education isn't paying off....

Of Ray Charles and the factory of sperm

So I find myself at school today with a raging hangover courtesy of three elderly students of mine. A few weeks ago, I began teaching a private lesson to 3 doctors in my town. They decided to throw me a little “welcome” party, so last night, in lieu of our regular class, the doctors (whom, for the sake of privacy, I’ll call Dr. I, Dr. H, and Dr. M) took me to their favorite tempura restaurant (and in case you don’t know, tempura usually consists of fish and little vegetables that are fried in a light batter.) Since it was a school night and also because the all the doctors are in their 70’s, I wasn’t expecting too much insanity.

The doctors are part of the local chapter of the “Japanese/French Culture exchange” (which is basically a bunch of old Japanese men sitting around drinking wine) so they were eager to share their knowledge of the vino...from the moment I sat down until the moment we left 2 hours later I don’t think my glass was ever empty. Now as I mentioned, tempura is usually fish and vegetables that are battered and fried, so immediately you know that everything’s gonna be good (one wonders how can anything fried not be good?) In this particular restaurant, we were seated around a bar where the chef was working, so as the food was fried it was placed directly on our plate. We started with the basic shrimp but as the meal progressed, both the fish and vegetables got increasingly more obscure and strange...

Here I will interject with a word of caution for anyone visiting Japan: if a Japanese person tells you to eat something while laughing, but won’t tell you what it is until after you eat it...it’s safe to assume that: A) you’ll probably be completely disgusted, B) you’ll probably have nightmare flashbacks about eating it, which may cause you to gag at inappropriate times, and C) it’s probably some sort of fish genitalia. In my case last night, I was given the deep fried delicacy called tarako, which literally means “children of cod”. However I prefer the description the doctors gave me last night: “cod sperm factory”...yum! I bet your mouths are watering right now just thinking about it! Here is a better description that I found from Wikipedia: Soft Roe, also called white roe is the male reproductive glands and their contents. Ugh! Even just seeing that description in writing is giving me the chills!

Well, needless to say, I could not drink my wine fast enough to try and get rid to that “unique” flavor and texture. After dinner, the doctors suggested that we go out for more drinks. Even though it was late, I had to accept...I wasn’t about to let some septuagenarians out-party me! We went to Dr. M’s favorite jazz bar, which was pretty rockin’ on a Thursday night (and by “rockin’”, I mean as rockin’ as a place can get where the average age of the patrons is around 65).

Somehow the topic of conversation drifted to Singapore, so from then on the doctors insisted I drink Singapore Slings for the rest of the night. And much to my humiliation, I was also forced into singing a karaoke rendition of “Georgia on My Mind” with Dr. I accompanying on the maracas and the bar owner accompanying on electric guitar. I guess a night out in Japan wouldn’t be complete without a least one embarrassing karaoke experience...

Anyway, there are plenty more amusing antecdotes from the evening...but I lack the energy to describe them at the moment. Also, I'm still feeling a bit queasy from thinking about the sperm factory that I ate. I suspect that I shall be haunted by this unholy, spectral fish gland for weeks to come...out, damn'd tarako! Out I say!

by popular demand...

It has been brought to my attention that "The Fool's Progress" is suffering from a lack of author photos. So...here are a few prime shots from a little sayonara party we had last weekend. My friend Pete is going back to Australia to start med school, so in honor of that we decided to kill a few brain cells (he won't really be needing those in med school anyway, will he?) There seems to be a recurring theme with me in the photos...I think I had decided that in order to avoid making what my dear friend Kitty affectionately calls "duck face" in the photos, I should open my mouth as wide as possible. I can't tell if the experiment was a raging success or huge failure...

This is me, the future Dr. Pete, and my friend Jess. We're bringin' the peace sign back (note: Justin Timberlake reference)

I call this one "Ode to Britney" (gum, gaping mouth)

The sign of a good party? Accordians, of course....

Jingle Bells never sounded so good...

Thanks to Mr. Shone (AKA accordian player number2) for the pics!

declarations of love

The level of my pedagogical prowess has reached an all time high. Today in the hall between classes, one of my students said to me (this is a direct quote): "I was born to love you." Well obviously, after he said it I was in complete shock...I mean, he used the passive tense and everything!! And I refuse to believe that he heard the line in some crappy J-pop song...

Anyway, here's a picture of the aforementioned student (second from the right) I've suspected for a while that he has a crush on me...he always tells me that I have "nice hair" when I see him in the hall.

And here are a few more shots of my students just for fun. I am making my English bulletin board for this month...little do these students know that I have taken advantage of their narcissism in mugging for the camera so that I can secretly plaster their faces up in the hallway for the amusement of the rest of the school. This one is especially funny since I took it in the staff room and just as I was about to take the photo, out of nowhere the music teacher leapt over her desk and several trash cans to get in the shot.

Here are some 1st graders...way too cute! Today in class we wrote Christmas cards to teachers and friends. The kid on the far left wrote a card to his friend (the student standing next to him). This was his Xmas wish: "Dear Bob (friend's nickname), I enjoy your stomach. Merry Christmas!"