Dear Madam,
I respectfully ask that you please stop following me around the supermarket. I fully understand that the opportunity to observe an actual white person in the wild is rare indeed, and I do admire your tenacity given the various tacitcal manoeuvers I have made in an attempt to disengage you over the course of the last 10 minutes. However you might be able to extrapolate, from the scowl on my face and my resistance to making eye contact with you, that today I am in no mood to facilitate cross-cultural understanding here in the instant noodle aisle. Any other day would find me more than willing to enter into thoughtful discourse regarding my striking similarity to Barbie, but this morning I have already: thwarted an attempted kidnapping via public transportation by jumping out of a moving vehicle, almost been hit by a large, swerving construction vehicle whose driver wanted to convey his enlightening message at close range ("Hey mister! Where you going?"), gotten a razor sharp piece of coconut shell lodged in the bottom of my flip-flop, and harassed by a moto driver who felt compelled to ride next to me for half a kilometer "practicing English."
I wholeheartedly hope that you are not left with a negative impression of my people. We are generally a happy-go-lucky, friendly sort who delight in and encourage foreigners to repeatedly ask questions such as "Why aren't you married yet?" and "Don't you ever want to get married?" And I will make this solemn promise to you, dear Middle-Aged Woman at the Supermarket, that I will be open for any and all questioning during my next visit. As you can see, since we are now at the check-out counter and you are standing close enough behind me that I can feel your breath on the back of my neck, I am indeed buying bread. May you take solace in this small token of stereotype confirmation, and may you take your newfound knowledge back to family and friends (along with the secret picture you took of me on your cell phone), and may you always look back in fond remembrance of today, the day you saw the white girl in the supermarket.
Sincerely,
MKM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Brilliant piece!!!
Did you actually have to thwart a fidnapping attempt on the bus?
Wow. I do feel the annoyance and pain? you are trying to portray. But to me, reading this in the Midwest, I couldn't but laugh along. Not only do you write so well, but you cannot underestimate the comedic value of what is presented here. I hope you print this out and give it to the lady next time you see her, for her to practice her English reading skills. Great post.
This type of writing ("why I'm annoyed at the locals staring at me") so seldom works. But you are the exception. You didn't mince words about your annoyance, but instead of coming off as peevish or entitled (the far more common tone when people attempt this), your blog was light-hearted, playful, sincere, and truly funny.
I've read more than my fare share of the less successful versions of this genre, and have written many bad versions myself, but I want to let you know that yours does NOT belong to vastly large collection of Whiners Abroad. Instead, you're produced a real gem.
You need to publish this.
Post a Comment